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Book Title: Soul Matters Publication date: Sep 20, 2005 Reading Group Questions The following list of questions is designed to enhance a group or individual's thinking about or discussing some of the issues we hope you will consider after reading this book. This is designed as a starting point only and is not meant to limit the discussion. NOTE: Numbers correspond to chapter numbers. 1. Have you ever been pregnant? What are/were your expectations of the experience? How did the reality measure up to expectations? 2. Pastor's sermon talked about three reasons that God allows pain. What were they? How have you experienced those "benefits" in your own life? 3. Wendy reflects that all she ever wanted in life was marriage and children. Now she has both, but neither is proving to satisfy. What do you want in life? Will those things satisfy? Why or why not? 4. Both of Kim's children were conceived and born outside of marriage, each by a different father. How would your family respond to such a situation? How would your church respond? How would you respond if Kim were your daughter? How would your faith influence your response? 5. Terrence proposed to Kim with both of their families standing by as witnesses. What is your ideal proposal setting? What would be the most romantic proposal you can imagine? 6. Abortion is a tough subject in America, even among Christians. How would you counsel a woman like Wendy? What would you choose in her situation? How would your faith influence your decision or counsel? 7. Why do women get married? What expectations and motivations do we have? What illusions are mixed in with those reasons? What reasons does Scripture offer for marriage? 8. Wendy has a perfectionist streak. How has it set her up for failure? Is her desire for privacy (which makes her keep secrets from family, coworkers, etc.) legitimate-or just a justification for pride and deceit? Why? 9. Marlene asks Wendy, "Why does pastor know more about you than we do?" When do you prefer to keep your business away from your family? Why? 10. Kim remembers the verse in Proverbs 22:6 about "training up a child," but this chapter actually illustrates Isaiah 11:6 that says "A little child shall lead them." When has a child led you into the right path? What have you learned from a child? 11. Why is Kim so interested in Pastor's series about "Living the Christian Life"? How is her interest a caution to those of us who do embrace Christianity? (See Matthew 5:16.) 12. Love-and betrayal. How are they connected? Is it true that "if you love me, you won't betray me"? Why or why not? How have you handled betrayal in your life? How did Jesus handle betrayal in his? (See Matthew 26; Mark 14; John 12-13.) 13. Kim wonders how she could possibly hope to do things God's way when her sister, "who was basically a good girl all her life" was having such trouble. How would you answer a friend who asked Kim's question? 14. How do you handle a family member like Francis? Do you strive to balance respect for elders with refusal to be abused and manipulated? Why-and how? 15. What biblical principles might help you in making difficult decisions concerning the care of aging relatives-particularly ones with physical challenges or difficult personal habits? What options have you considered-for yourself and for your loved ones? 16. Shakespeare asked, "What's in a name?" Scripture says, "A good name is valued above rubies." How was your name chosen? How did (or will) you choose a name for your child(ren)? 17. With whom do you tend to empathize more-Kevin or Wendy? Why? How do you (or would you) navigate such relational challenges? How might Scripture guide you? 18. True or false: Does Kevin really have "nothing to lose"? Why or why not? When have you felt that kind of desperation or resignation in life? How did you combat it, if at all? 19. Kim observes Wendy's changing behavior as signs that her relationship with God is suffering. What are the signs in your life that your walk with God has gotten detoured? How can you as a group hold one another accountable and get back on track? 20. Is it possible for a man and woman to have a platonic friendship, without sex getting in the way? Why or why not? How dangerous is it for a married person to have a close friendship with a member of the opposite sex? 21. What kind of "rules" do you have with your girlfriends about the men in your lives? Have you ever had a friend betray you or break those rules, as Natalie seems in the habit of doing? How did you respond? 22. Kim doesn't hesitate to confront Natalie about that dance with Kevin. Was Kim right or wrong in doing so-either in what she did or how she did it? How do you handle confrontation? What advice does Scripture have for dealing with conflict between friends or family? 23. Why do you think Wendy was so upset with Kevin for having a female guest for the holiday? Was her reaction fair or reasonable? Why or why not? What do you think is keeping her from dealing with her broken marriage in a healthier way? 24. What is your estimation of Natalie? Why does Wendy seem committed to the friendship-despite all the evidence that Natalie is not a good friend? When have you been entangled in such a relationship? Why did you stay in-or get out? 25. When have you had a chance encounter-that later proved to be a divine appointment (such as Marlene's with Harold Wallace)? How did you respond? How did you see God's hand at work in the encounter? 26. How do you spend Christmas-and with whom? Consider Luke 2:14 in contrast with Luke 12:51. How does your Christmas reflect one or the other of these possible influences that Jesus can have on the world? How do you reconcile the two in your own life? 27. Renee jokes about "baby mama drama." What experience do you have with such relational dramas, particularly relating to a baby daddy or mama? How have you handled it-for the good of the child? How would you advise someone else in Kevin or Wendy's position? What is different about such dramas when God is an integral part of one or the other parent's life? 28. Think back to chapter 2 and the description of Pastor's sermon about the reasons God allows pain. How is Wendy's current situation a result of her less than ideal response to pain? How might she redeem the experience by turning to God-instead of away from him? 29. Finally, Wendy has the urge to pray-but she really doesn't want to hear the answers, so the urge doesn't bear fruit. What keeps you from praying? 30. Marlene's prayer for Wendy is a classic "mother's prayer." When have you prayed such a prayer-or been the subject of someone else's prayer? What results have you seen from that powerful prayer? 31. The consequences of deceit is a common theme in this story. It isn't hard to guess what secret Francis has been hiding. How do you think the truth might work to set the Tibbs family free (John 8:32)? 32. Why do parents lie to their children? Is there ever a good reason for such a lie? Why or why not? What do Scriptures such as 1 Corinthians 4:5 seem to suggest about this question? 33. How have you experienced the truth of Romans 8:28 in your life? Where are you still waiting to see the good come from the ugly? 34. Renee wants Kevin for his financial success; his actual character is "gravy" as far as she's concerned. What qualities do you look for in a marriage partner? What compromises are you willing to make? What qualities does Scripture recommend? 35. More than once we have witnessed Kim's temper flare. Mostly, it seems to be an example of how God makes good out of "ugly." Or is she exemplifying the righteous anger of Jesus in the temple courts (see Matthew 21)? Do the ends of such temper justify the means? Is that an appropriate interpretation of Romans 8:28? Why or why not? 36. "Why didn't I see it before?" Kevin wonders about Renee/Natalie. What blinded him to her true character? What has blinded you in similar relationships, whether with a girlfriend or a brother with whom you were involved? 37. In what ways do you struggle with a prideful and judgmental spirit, as Wendy recognizes she has done? How have painful experiences humbled you and taught you to rely on God's grace-both for you yourself and for others? What does Matthew 7:3-5 teach about such attitudes? 38. Francis turned her bitterness and guilt outward. Many people (especially women) turn it inward-where it manifests itself as depression, suicide attempts, eating disorders, substance abuse, promiscuity, and other self-destructive behaviors. How can acceptance of God's forgiveness (and the forgiveness of others) redeem us from such a burden of guilt and bitterness about the past? (See Galatians 5.) 39. Pastor's home-going sermon observes that we like to put weights on sin-to weigh one kind of sin as heavier than another. When is this appropriate? When is it not? Do you think God really sees all sin equally? Why or why not? 40. Considering the various trials that all the characters have experienced in this story, how would you, in the end, define "unconditional love"? How is it exemplified in each character's life? (Don't hesitate to refer to 1 Corinthians 13-but put it in your own words, out of your own experience, too!)
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