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Book Title: Just A Sister Away
Reading Group Questions
The following list of questions is designed to enhance a group or individual's
thinking about or discussing some of the issues we hope you will consider after reading this book. This is designed as a starting point only and is not meant to limit the discussion.
Chapter 1
- How can you evaluate the relationship between black and white women
in America today? Black and Latina women? Protestant and Jewish women?
How does our shared faith in Jesus Christ (or God) help ease the differences
between us or help erase the memories of what has taken place in the
past between us
- What has been your most painful encounter with a woman from another
racial/ethnic background? Were your differences related to your ethnic/racial
backgrounds, or were they economic or political in nature? Or were
they simply differences of personalities? How, if at all, did the two
of you resolve your differences? What has been your most positive encounter
with another woman from a different background?
- In what ways can women from differing ethnic/racial/national/ economic
background bind together and significantly impact global politics and
religious controversies?
- Is the relationship between a domestic and her employer necessarily
hostile? How do the dynamics of the relationship changed when the domestic
and her employer are the same race and / or age?
- What examples can you point to that have made you aware of the economic
differences between you and other women? Have these differences concerned
you, and if so, how do you deal with them
- Examine the divine appearance to Hagar the two times she was in the
wilderness (Genesis 16 and 21). In the final analysis did Hagar ever
receive a blessing from God, and if so, how? Was she ever vindicated,
and if so, how? Is vindication important?
- In the case of surrogate mothering (where one woman pays another
woman to have another child for her, and the biological mother renounces
all right to the child she bears) what are the Christian considerations?
What, at present, is our counsel to women who are unable to bear children?
- What are our responsibilities as women to our brothers and our sons
who take no responsibilities for the children they have sired? As wives
whose husbands may have children by other women, what are responsibilities
to our husbands' other family? How do you feel about these responsibilities?
Chapter 2
- What does friendship mean to you? What kind of women attracts you
as friends? What kind of women do you avoid?
- What other stories in the Bible which portray friendships between
women are most meaningful to you? What makes these stories important
to you?
- What stories in the Bible portray friendship between men are most
meaningful to you? Are there friendships between men whom you know
which are similar to the friendship described in the Bible? In what
ways, if at all, do friendships between men differ from friendships
between women?
- Have you ever had a friendship with another woman, which approximated
Ruth and Naomi's story, a friendship where the two of you saw each
other through a lot of good and bad times, and still remained friends?
What was your friendship like?
- Have you ever taken advantage of a friendship? Have you ever felt
that your friendship was being taken advantage of? What has your experience
been in these situations?
- Have you ever been in a very close relationship with a woman that
changed significantly when one of you married? What happened?
- What kind of ministry, if any, does your church have to help women
(and m in their emotional, financial, and emotional transition form
marriage to widowhood? What type of behavior between a mother and daughter-in-law
might prevent the kind of close relationship which Ruth and Naomi shared?
What might contribute to their closeness?
Chapter 3 - Questions for Thought
- How would you evaluate the relationship between Mary and Martha?
Was one sister more at fault than the other? In what ways? Which sister
do you most like?
- In what way(s), if at all, does Jesus' response to Martha's complaint
alleviate or add to the tensions already evident between the sisters?
- Is sibling rivalry inevitable among children? How can parents best
respond to and negotiate the jealously, insecurities, and competitions
that arise among siblings for parents' attention and affections?
- What are the ways in which you and your own sister(s) are similar?
How are you different? How have your differences been helpful in your
growth? In what ways do your differences compliment one another?
- What are your personal values concerning "serving" versus "learning"
as seen in the story of Martha and Mary? How/where do the Martha and
Mary parts of yourself conflict? Which side of your Mary and Martha
sides needs more nurturing and developing?
- With the influx of women into ordained ministry, how has the role
and importance of traditional female leadership and participation in
the church (missionaries, elders, deaconesses, stewardesses, etc.)
changed? In what ways can women in ordained ministry help and support
these traditional organizations? In what ways clergy and lay women
mutually support each other's contributions in the church?
- What role have media played in shaping our image of domesticity and
housework? More specifically, in what ways do advertisement and commercials
influence and manipulate our consumer habits of women? What are some
of what one might think of as classic commercials, which have played
an important role in impacting our images of ourselves? To what extent
have the media's portrayal of women shaped your view of yourself?
- Do you think mothers and wives should be financially compensated
for doing housework, especially those that do not work outside the
home? What kind of remuneration would you propose, if any?
Chapter 4
- How many women do you personally know (including yourself) who have
been victims of male violence and brutality (which includes anything
form the casual slaps to being mugged, from threats to verbal violence;
from being beaten to being raped)?
- If you have a friend whom you suspect has been beaten, what would
you do: Pretend not to notice and wait for her to bring the subject
up? Inquire about her bruises? Slip a note in her pocket or on her
desk with the name and number of the local women's shelter, rather
than confront her directly?
- Have you ever been physically assaulted by someone you loved and
trust? If you answer positively to this question, what do you wish
someone had told or offered you at the time? If being physically abused
is not part of your past, and yet you are able to put yourself in the
shoes of women for whom it is real, what do you think you'd want someone
to do or say to you in the midst of such an experience?
- What is the name of the local shelter for abused women in your city?
What is the procedure for getting women into that shelter?
- How can your local women's guild, missionary of church auxiliary
help to provide aid to women in your church who are the victims of
relationship violence?
- If you have the opportunity to meet with other women, break up into
small study groups and assign each group one of the stories in the
Bible of women who were victimized by violence?
-Tamar (II Samuel 13:1-22)
-The concubine (Judges 19:1-30)
-Dinah (Genesis 34)
-Gomer (Hosea 2: 1-23)
-The adulterous women (John 8: 3-11)
Discuss the following: What is the story of the women's victimization
in the passage? What role does her victimization play within the larger
drama? Discuss whether the women's victimization was "worth"
the lesson at issue in the chapter.
- Take a test: Monitor your TV programming for the next week to see
how many programs revolve around the story of violence against women.
Even if violence against a woman is not the central plotline, how many
programs include this kind of violence to "help" the plot along? Organize
your church affiliated women's organization to write the network. Include
as many members' name in the petition as possible both male and
female.
Chapter 5
- Reflect upon your initial reactions to the women your brothers or
sons brought home as dates and eventually their wives. Be honest. Were
there ever times when you were envious of the women in your brothers'
(or sons) lives? In what ways were your feelings expressed in your
relationship with your sisters-in-law (or daughters-in-law)?
- How has the leadership role of women in the church changed over the
last twenty years? Are those changes positive or negative? Evaluate
the positive and negative ways in which the Women's Movement in the
larger society has affected, both positively and negatively, Christian
women's views of themselves and their understanding of the Bible.
- As Christian women, what are our responsibilities to the Miriams
the talented but burned out, frustrated woman in our church who
may feel overworked, abused, and underappreciated for her sacrifices
for Christian work members of our boards, circles, and societies?
Remember: For all her faults, Miriam was talented and gifted woman.
- What are some of the ways in which people in positions of power and/or
influence in the church can, and sometimes do, exploit their power
and influence in order to manipulate public opinion and undermine leadership?
How can we prevent this?
- As a sister of the leader of the Hebrews, was Miriam's intimate relationship
with Moses a good one? Do you think her gifts were being used in the
best possible ay in that role and relationship?
- When power is concentrated in the hands of a few members of the church,
or in a particular family within a church, consider the impact this
has on the life and ministry of the church.
- What other lessons can family members learn from the story of discord
between Miriam and Aaron, on the one hand, their brother Moses and
his wife, on the other?
- Moses' intervention on her sister's behalf raises the issue of the
importance of intercessory prayer within the families. What experiences
have you had with the effectiveness of intercessory prayer in healing
family conflicts?
Chapter 6
- Are you apart of, or do you know of, ways in which Christian's women
collectively support and finance the work of their local and national
church beyond what they might be able to do individually.
- More and more women are choosing professions which, in the past,
have been dominated by men, whether it's in the field of law, construction
work, medicine, ministry, aviation, the military, etc. What do you
imagine are the disadvantage and advantages of being "the firs womant" or "only
woman" in a profession or in an office dominated by men?
- How might the account of Jesus' ministry and teachings been written
differently had one of the female disciples written it?
- What other examples in the history can you think of where women's
contribution have been overshadowed or ignored, whether in the church
or the larger society?
- How have women and men's views on marriage changed over the years?
Which changes have been positive? What changes still need to take place?
- In a marriage where one of the partners travels considerably with
his or her job, what stresses and strains might the absence place upon
the marriage or the family? When the traveling partner is the wife,
do the problems become more acute? In what ways can the church help
families in these situations?
- Why are women often those in our culture who feel pressure to choose
between a family and a career, those most often who devote lots of
energy to trying to strike a balance between the two? Do you think
it is possible to be successful at both? What are the tensions for
a woman at work for women juggling career and a family? Are they any
different from the pressure men feel?
- The Bible often speak of people with mental and emotional illness
as being demon possessed. Talk about how such a label has helped or
hindered Christians in their understanding of mental/emotional illness?
As Christians, how can we better minister to those who suffer from
mental and emotional illnesses?
Chapter 7
- Was refusing her husband's request to dance barely clad before his
guest the only way Queen Vashti should have responded to her husband?
Are there a way to appear less uncompromising and defiant when faced
with a insulting request, a respond that might have saved her crown?
- Do you imagine that men who have been married more than once make
better husbands? If so, in what ways?
- How do you feel when women who are married to men of importance are
accorded certain privileges (special leadership posts, priority seating,
and the like) simply on the basis of their marriage? For example, wives
of presidents, pastors, politicians, athletes?
- Evaluate the pros and cons of using terms such as "First Lady"
and "Queen of the Church" as titles for wives of pastors and other
women of renown in the church.
- Is there opportunity in your church to honor the ordinary women and
men who have made important contributions to the life and ministry
of the church?
- Strangely enough, widows of famous men rarely remarry. How do you
think their live fulfill them so that remarriage is less of a necessity?
For those widows interested in remarriage, what kind of society pressure
do you think make remarriage difficult?
- For the wife of a pastor who prefers to live a private life, which
means abstaining from any active participation in the church, how can
we as women in the church not infringe upon her right to choose to
live so?
- As a divorcee and the ex-wife of a public figure and a woman banished
to what was, in all likelihood, a remote part of the kingdom, what
kind of adjustments do you imagine Queen Vashti had to make to her
new situation?
- Is there a ministry to divorcees in your church? What kind of hardship
do you suppose that divorced women, particularly those women who find
themselves divorced after many years of marriage, experience? How can
the church minister to its divorced membership?
Chapter 8
- How old is a woman when she is "too old to have a child"? Consider
this question from both biological and cultural point of view. What
are the emotional and physical problems of having a child when one
is significantly older than the norm?
- Do you know women who have not had children? What are society's attitudes
towards these women? How do they feel about themselves? Consider the
many ways in which women without children, and women past their childbearing
years, may fulfill their desire to nurture children.
- What are the problems young couples face when they enter into their
marriages with a child on the way?
- One of the women in your church has lost her bid for a position of
great responsibility in the church. You have noticed that her attitude
has grown bitter and disagreeable since the election. She is particularly
bitter toward the woman who was elected, and she goes out of her way
to undermine the woman's leadership. If she was your friend, how would
you approach her about her behavior? If, however, you are the woman
who was elected, how would you handle this woman's attitude and behavior
toward you?
- In a society like our own which is distinguished by its obsession
with competitiveness, in what ways can women prevent competitive behavior
from destroying relationships? What id the difference competing and
striving towards excellence?
- We all feel envy at times. How can we keep it under control and prevent
it from driving us to destructive behavior?
Chapter 9
- Reflect on the feelings you had as you read this story. What emotions
were most strongly evoked in you?
- Reflect on your relationship with your own mother. With what part
of this mother's story can you identify in your relationship with your
mother? Which parts are most unlike your relationship? What is your
fond memory of your time with your mother? What is your most unpleasant
memory of your time with one another? Have the two of you ever discussed
these incidents? If not, what keeps (or kept) you from sharing your
memories?
- Reflect on your relationship with your own daughter(s). With what
part of this mother story can you identify in your relationship with
your daughter(s)? Which parts are most unlike your relationship? What
is your greatest wish for your daughter(s)? What is your greatest fear
for your daughter(s)? In what ways are you and your daughter(s) alike
and unlike?
- If you had to do it over again, what as a mother would you do differently
in rearing your daughter(s)
- If you had a choice in the matter, would you choose your mother to
be your mother? If not, whom have you met who epitomize the kind of
woman you would choose to be your mother?
- Name one of your favor mother-daughter movies or books? Explain your
choice.
- In what ways, if any, do relationships between daughters and mothers
differ form those between daughters and fathers?
- Do you know anyone whether due to illness or any other reason
who is unable to show love? What is the nature of your relationship
with that person? What are some of the ways in which we communicate
love and caring to someone absorbed in his/her own pain?
- More times than we care to admit, we observe members of our churches,
communities, and circle of friends gradually unravel emotionally before
our eyes. How can we support them and their families through such crises?
What are the institutional resources that are available within your
church or community that can help treat people in emotional and mental
crises?
- Why do women, in your opinion, make up a greater proportion of those
diagnosed as mentally and/ or emotionally ill in this country? What
are the signs that someone is headed toward a nervous collapse?
- How much do you know about mental illness? How can you and your religious
community become more sensitive and responsive to those in your community
who suffer from mental illness?
Chapter 10
- Name some instances in history when women's ability to work toward
a common goal, where in building alliances across social, racial, economic,
and religious differences, resulted in major legislation affecting
the lives of women and girls,
- Is it impossible, do you think, for women to work together toward
common goals without conflict, negative politics arising, and petty
jealousies flaring up? Explain why or why not?
- Use the story of Zelophehad's daughters to talk about the ways in
which difference in backgrounds and personalities can be assets in
building an organization. What did it take for women as different as
these five sisters to accomplish the kind of unity, respect, devotion,
and mutual support they exhibited before the rulers?
- Talk about what work means to you, What has work taught you about
yourself, about God, about God's purpose for you?
- What does the story of Zelophehad's daughter teach us about women
and money, about owning property, investing, budgeting, and planning
for one's future as a woman.
- What do people mean, you think, when they say that we have to learn
how to trust God with our money? How do you trust God when you have
little or no money? What do you have to trust God for when money is
not a worry in your life?
- Discuss the story's emphasis upon land, real estate, and property
as a sign of God's favor upon God's people during the times of Mahlah,
Noah, Hoglah, Milcah, and Tirzah.
- Laws having to do with women have come a long way since the days
of Zelophehad's daughters. But what kinds of laws and customs do women
in this country continue to face that favor men over women?
Chapter 11
- Who and what in your life is draining you, leaving you with little
to no energy to pursue your ambitions?
- When are you most afraid? Of what or of whom are you most afraid
right now?
- Where did you get notions of what you could and couldn't do, should
and shouldn't do?
- What do you know now about yourself that you didn't know, couldn't
have known, five (ten, fifteen) years ago?
- What people has God sent in your life to aid you in discerning your
vocation and recognizing your spiritual gifts?
- When did you first noticed the limited roles (compared to men) women
play in your local church?
- Tell about one of the most significant moments in your life when
you were convinced that God was using you to speak up on behalf of
some injustice? What was the reaction of those around you?
Chapter 12
- Name a book that qualifies as Christian inspirational literature
and that you have read more than five times. What makes you keep returning
to that particular book?
- Name something you believe God has called you to do, but you feel
reluctant about stepping out and trying it?
- Name the hardest thing you've ever done for God, the thing you've
sacrificed most to achieve in your spiritual walk? How much did they
cost you?
- What in your estimation compelled the Queen of Sheba to go to such
great lenghts to meet King Solomon? Imagine you were Solomon, what
would be going through your mind as you came face to face with this
fiercely intelligent foreign woman?
- What have been some of your own prejudices about women and men who
are smarter, more intelligent, and more educated than yourself?
- Is it possible for women and men to work closely together and not
experience their feelings vacillating back and forth between the erotic
and the professional? How does one tame these feelings and not let
them trespass the boundaries you both know are for your good?
- Can one be attentive to nourishing one's intellect and one's mind
without experiencing tensions and conflicts between these two worlds
of perceptions?
- Much distinction has been made between the mind and the spirit, understanding
and faith, secular education and religious education. How have these
distinctions played themselves out in our attitudes as Christians toward
learning and thinking, toward the education of women?
Chapter 13
- Describe your relationship with your father.
- How have your memories of and relationship with your father affected
your understanding of God as a Father figure?
- Identify those areas in your father's legacy to you that are affecting
your mental, spiritual, and physical health, for better and for worse?
- What message would you like most to hear from your father?
- Based on this chapter on Achsah's relationship with her father, what
healing message could you give your daughter (granddaughter, niece,
sister, god-daughter) about her relationship with her father?
- What message would you like most to say to your father? Write him
a letter right now.
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