"Choose Me"
by Xenia Ruiz
Author Testimony
"Growing up, I attended church sporadically; however,
I have always felt the presence of God in my life for as
long as I can remember. There were times when I found myself
in impossible and dangerous situations and then miraculously "saved," to
which I could only attribute to God watching over me.
They say high school is supposed to be the best time of
your life, but for me, it was the worst. During these years,
I filled my diaries with my unstable home life, my lonely
school life, and my dream of living independently away from
everyone. I seized every opportunity to express my thoughts
in writing assignments and the school newspaper. It took
years for me to realize that my alienation was due to childhood
abandonment, verbal and sexual abuse. In my yearbook, one
of my teachers, Ms. Finley, wrote, "I know that one
day I will read a book written by you."
The year after I graduated from high school, I got married,
only to divorce four years later, but not before being blessed
with two children. I spent my twenties and thirties raising
my children and working full-time, while attending Northwestern
University part-time.
After several relationships, including an engagement to
a man who almost exposed me to a deadly illness, I was determined
never to have sex outside of marriage again. It was after
this wake-up call in 1991 that I accepted Christ as my personal
savior. Since I was also unsure whether I ever wanted to
be married again, this decision became more difficult than
I thought.
Over the years, I continued writing, whether it was an
editorial to a newspaper or magazine, or expressing my feelings
and life experiences in the form of poetry, stories, essays,
and screenplays. My first short story, "Call Me," was
published in Kaleidoscope: Women at Work, in 1991. Also,
in 1991, I started writing "my great Puerto Rican American
novel," the story of a woman coming to grips with her
father's abandonment and death after the suicide of her brother.
This novel is a semi-autobiographical account of my own relationship
with my father, what my mother calls my "daddy syndrome." I
spent almost six years writing and revising it in between
work, school and raising my family. Although the manuscript
was ejected several times, one publisher considered publishing
it—if I changed the format to their specifications.
I refused and concentrated on other projects.
In 1997, another short story, "Pops," won first
prize in Northwestern University's 59th Annual Iota Sigma
Epsilon Fiction Contest. In 1998, I received a writing certificate
from Northwestern University and in 2001, I graduated with
a B.S. in Sociology.
In addition to my previously-mentioned publications, two
of my essays were published on-line in 2000, one of which
details my experiences as an Latina of the African Diaspora
who has always identified with African-American culture ("Pelo
Malo: Confessions of a Puerto Rican Kinky-Haired Sister").
I received many e-mails (and continue receiving them five
years later) from readers of various nationalities telling
me how much they identify with the theme of my essay. While
I have incorporated some of these experiences into the novel,
it is not the major theme—God is. I believe it is this
aspect that will appeal to all readers, regardless of their
ethnicity. After all, one of the most well-known verses in
the bible, John 3:16, has been translated into more than
1100 languages.
Sometime in October 2002, I came across one of my novels-in-progress
which I started writing several years before. From this 10,000-word
rough draft, a more spiritual, in-depth 120,000-word novel
evolved, which ultimately became Choose Me.
Choose Me is similar to other Christian novels about relationships
in that it shows Christians who fall from grace but find
their way back. In addition, the issue of finding the "right
man" (or woman) is a general theme that all women (men)
can relate to. However, the novel is distinct in two ways.
First, unlike other Christian novels about women confronting
worldly issues and which feature predominantly African-African
characters, or mostly Caucasian characters, my novel features
interracial/intercultural relationships (Eva is Latina and
Adam is African American) and biracial characters. This perspective
not only demonstrates the universality of God across racial
and cultural lines, but represents the growing make-up of
many American families today. According to the U.S. Census
Bureau, the number of interracial marriages has increased
tenfold since 1960. As a Latina American who was married
to an African American, I have found that relationships like
mine were missing from contemporary fiction, not to mention
inspirational fiction.
Secondly, many Christian novels use third person, telling
the story from several characters' point of view. My novel's
strength lies within its first person account, told by the
two main characters, Eva and Adam, in alternating chapters.
This approach gives the book a sense that the characters
are in charge of giving their own testimonies.
Choose Me is loosely based on my experiences in the years
since I distanced myself away from men for the purposes of
spiritual, emotional, and physical cleansing. Over the years,
as my need to grow spiritually and creatively intensified,
the desire to have a man in my life has lessened. Abstinence
has been one of the hardest sacrifices I have ever endured,
because after all, "the spirit is willing but the flesh
is weak." Choose Me is about what happens when two people
in a relationship surrender to God. It is not just a story
about love, but something deeper—discovering one's
soul.
Although I was originally discouraged by the rejections
of my first novel, I truly believe God intervened because
He wanted me to complete Choose Me. It took me nine months
to complete Choose Me while it took me years to finish my
first novel. I believe that God speaks to us in many ways:
through other people, life's little coincidences—even
through rejections. Whenever I was turned down for a job
or didn't get something I wanted, my disappointment turned
to faith. I always believed that there was something bigger
and better waiting for me.
While I already consider myself a successful writer, my
ultimate goal is to make writing a full-time career and I
know that with God, this is possible. Less expensive than
a psychologist, writing has been my therapy. It has saved
my sanity, and in many ways, my life. As my therapist, God
has always listened when others didn't have the time. While
man has let me down, God never has. Like the characters in
my book, I have accepted that God is my true Father.
Contrary to what the popular media says, the issues of
infidelity, children born out of wedlock, and the increase
of AIDS in the Latin- and African-American communities are
all directly related to sexual immorality. I hope my book
inspires other women who are seeking "Mr. Righteous" to
wait on God. Women should spend time alone and get to know
themselves, get to know Him. Ultimately, being alone does
not necessarily mean being lonely. And you are never alone
as long as you have God. "
Xenia Ruiz
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At their SEP 2005 meetings, GLORY GIRLS™ will be
discussing TWO books:
Choose
Me
by Xenia Ruiz
Xenia Ruiz
What A Sista Should Do
by
Tiffany L. Warren
Tiffany L. Warren
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